Meet Go Go!

she's my baby and favorite companion
(second only to my '81 ladies schwinn back home)

thanks, marc!

xoxo

Insulting All Umbrellas

Today:

Slept until 10:45am, got up, and showered for the third time in 30 hours. Realized that my OCD has been getting out of hand lately. Fixed a broken couch while wearing a sleeveless shirt that showed my unshaved armpits. Realized why people think I'm a dyke.

Grabbed a cup of coffee and walked past the super cool bicycle messengers on my way to the BART. Jealous of their career, but not of their attitude. Embarassed of my paper Starbucks cup, but not of the holes in my pants.

Headed to Berkeley and scoped out four more bike shops (I've been to 14 shops in 3 days). Only one shop has a bike suitable (and dope enough) for me. It will be purchased tomorrow, thanks to the loving generosity of my big brother. So thankful.

Rain and sun on and off all day - making great rainbows and very soggy sneakers. With nothing better to do, and my mind on my poverty status, I decided to walk the several miles home instead of pay to take the subway and bus. My ipod was tuned to my Cozy Like Cats // Cats Like Cozy playlist. Fresh to death. Regardless, I got chilled to the bone walking the several miles / hours home. It was a typical windy and rainy Bay Area winter day. The kind with sideways rain, insulting all umbrellas.

Chose the most uphill route to my house (health is wealth). Bedroom. My nest. Cozy clothes on. Cancelled a date I was anxious about all day. Reading $pread, Unlikely, and Craigslist Missed Connections (a wonderful weekly ritual) on my tilted couch. Realized that almost everything I have is old, broken, and frayed. Realized that doesn't bother me. Smiling.

My housemate James is listening to great 70s Turkish rock records. Inspires me to eat Armenian food. Yoghurt (<3), eetch (armenian-style tabouleh), hommus, raw vegetables, ak-mak crackers, beer. Half a beer. Realized that poverty has improved my health and helped curb some bad habits. Still smiling.

Snickerdoodle cookies can be made with lard? I want to try one. Instead, I will watch brain-melting videos and read ridiculous articles provided by my favorite gchat / wrestling friend.

Wondering if my insomnia will persevere tonight since I am sober and without spooning companion. Just remembered last night's strange dream in which I was hoarding Snickers and other candy bars in an old plaid makeup bag my mom gave me when I was a little lady. Maybe I should treat myself to a candy bar tomorrow after I go for a much-anticipated bike ride. Undecided.

Thinking of the Sesame Street records I used to listen to religiously as a kid in my old bedroom. Oscar the Grouch has a song about how much he loves the rain. That bedroom was also the laundry room. The tumbling dryer creating pleasant white noise that I could use tonight...

smoke. choke. disease. death.

it's been a month since I quit smoking.

hooray for me!!!

it's really not that hard. all you have to do is not smoke.

I recommend my quitting method: overdosing on the nicotine gum, giving myself an aversion to the drug forever.

also, this super lame video has helped and I think it every time I see or smell cigarette smoke.

Chicka Boom Chick!

Yesterday I posted the jazz drum skillz of my great friend Austin (who was my first boyfriend ever in 8th grade - adorable).

Today I post the drumming of my best good friend Mike via TomTomTime.



I have much love for the percussionists in my life <3

xo
la la la

words that do not come from children's books

I love Ella, and this week I love this song. Strong and playful. Tough and flirty. So good!

xo
'la

Oh.

Being a New Englander, the natural disasters I'm used to fearing are Hurricanes and Giant Fucking Snowstorms.

Usually, by the time a Hurricane (that's been kicking the Caribbean's ass for a week) gets to us in Li'l Rhody, it's more fun than anything else. Minor damage from wind happens, but we're used to it. No biggie.

Blizzards hit northern NE more than down in The Wee State. We make a mad dash to the grocer and stock up on bread and milk (and scratch tickets) and wait it out. Kids go sledding after they are forced to shovel and drink cocoa. Grownups find other ways to stay warm and entertained...

But now I'm in California - specifically, the San Francisco Bay Area. Quake Country. The earth shakes from two of the biggest tectonic plates dancing around with each other. Tsunamis rage outward from our gnarly epicenter to screw up someone else's day. Gross.

So during tonight's bout of insomnia, I found this government website that has me quaking in my knickers. There is a 62% chance that at least one earthquake of magnitude 6.7 or greater will happen in the Bay Area by 2032. Yikes!

Remember when I said I was going to stay in the Bay for a few years, but not forever? Yeah, I'd rather play in 2 feet of snow with my kids every year than clutch them under the kitchen table while everything falls apart around us. Don't worry. I'm coming home eventually.



Love,
'la

feel the joy in my chest

thanks for sharing, nick!

xoxo
carla

Sex and Candy

new blog added to the blogroll:

Sugar Daddy Blog

very interesting blog from a dating website for you if you are (or want to be):
a sugar daddy, sugar mama, or sugar baby

check it out!

xoxo
carla

Strange Dreams

I've been having very vivid dreams of late, and last night I had two that were especially unsettling.

In the first, I was the worst waitress on earth, completely neglecting my tables and I made no tips. This was probably in response to the fact that I'm totally broke and the serving gig I have now isn't cutting it. I had an interview elsewhere earlier this week. Let's hope for the best.

In the second dream I was sledding and playing in the snow with a close friend and a few other friends and dogs. We were near a library and a school - the area reminded me of the old Marvel Gym on Brown University's campus in my old neighborhood. My close friend was playing with two translucent color wheels, trying to match up the perfect color for me. I started singing Run to the Hills and at that moment he found the right color for me, and realized he cared very deeply for me.

so... that happened.

love,
carla

Maybe I want to love my dream that will never come true...

I'm here in Oakland living with Lily, Kiernan, and Gabriel. The weather is lovely, the hills are hilly, and the excitement is blossoming.

All I need is a job and I will feel a lot more calm. And for my boxes to get here from home (c'mon, mom!).

My neighborhood is called Lake Merritt and reminds me of Pawtucket, RI. There are a lot of working-class families in this residential neighborhood. Corner stores for lottery tickets and 40oz beers. Beware of Dog signs and frontyard vegetable gardens full of tomatoes and lettuces. Kids playing, palm trees, and the occassional street walker or drunk stumbling man. A nice balance of reality and fantastic California imagery. California isn't home, and I don't want it to be. I just want it to be the place where I live for now. Nothing trumps my real home.

Loneliness is a factor here, but as long as I stay busy and put energy into meeting high-quality lovely people, I'll be ok. My father calls me a Friend Magnet. I love friendship, and I live for friendship. (I miss you, Providence people!) Phone calls are very helpful. I am going to try very hard to make my phone calls on a regular basis. Call me, too. I need that. I feel that there is going to be a lot of sifting through of crappy people in this city. But I'll find the good ones.

:: disclaimer - I'm about to get all emo ::

I have also been missing the feeling of being in love for quite some time. I thought I had it, and it passed, then came back, then passed, then came back all of a sudden in the week before I left. I'm pretty sure it's a one-sided unrequited love. I'm pretty sure I'm being used and led on, but like the song says, "maybe I want to love my dream that will never come true."

Maybe it's easier to be hopeful and curious and obsessive about love than it is to actually put in the effort to be in a healthy relationship. I haven't been single for this long since before 8th grade. I'm freaking out. Somebody marry me, FAST! Then again, I don't think I've had feelings this strong in a loooong time. Well, good thing I just moved 3,000 miles away from the person I love. Perhaps this will give me perspective on why it's best not to love someone who can't commit. Or perhaps I should just accept that I want to elope and be a swinger.

In a nutshell:
I'm lonely and happy,
excited and exhausted,
sober and scared,
poor and imaginative.

Come visit me. It's beautiful here.

Love,
Carla

I'm, like, totally famous...

LOVELIFE Providence is the hip new thing, and it just so happens to be hosted where I work, so I get to be famous via online photos.

I'm not very hip, but I like to observe the hip peoples in their element.

I look a little scary, but this was after a 14-hour workday.

xoxo
'la